What is Aroace? Understanding Aromantic Asexual Identity

Introduction

Have you ever felt like you’re on a different wavelength when conversations turn to crushes, dating, and romantic gestures? Perhaps the way others describe attraction simply doesn’t resonate with your own experiences. If so, you might find yourself identifying with the term “aroace.” This label represents a specific orientation that’s gaining more visibility and understanding in recent years.

“Aroace” is the fusion of two distinct identities: aromantic and asexual. It describes individuals who experience little to no romantic *and* sexual attraction. It’s not a phase, a choice, or a lack of experience; it’s a fundamental part of who someone is. This article aims to demystify what it means to be aroace, clear up misconceptions, and offer a pathway toward understanding and acceptance.

Defining Aromanticism

To fully grasp what it means to be aroace, it’s essential to first define its components individually. Let’s begin with aromanticism.

Romantic attraction is commonly defined as the desire to form a romantic relationship with someone. This often includes things like butterflies in your stomach, fantasizing about a future with them, wanting to hold their hand, or feeling a strong desire for intimacy and commitment. Society places a significant emphasis on romantic love, often portraying it as the ultimate form of connection and fulfillment.

However, for aromantic individuals, this type of attraction simply isn’t there or is experienced very rarely and weakly. Aromanticism, therefore, is the lack of or minimal romantic attraction towards others. It’s important to understand what aromanticism *isn’t*:

• It’s not the same as celibacy: Celibacy is a *choice* to abstain from romantic relationships or sexual activity. Aromanticism is an orientation, an intrinsic part of who a person is. Aromantic people may choose to be in relationships or remain single, just like anyone else.
• It’s not relationship aversion: Some people might not enjoy being in relationships due to past experiences or personal preference. But aromanticism is not about disliking relationships; it’s about not experiencing romantic attraction in the first place. Aromantic individuals may still desire close friendships, family bonds, and other forms of intimate connection.
• Aromantic people can still desire and enjoy relationships: While they don’t experience romantic attraction, aromantic individuals can still value and seek meaningful relationships. These relationships may be platonic, queerplatonic, or based on other forms of connection that don’t rely on romantic feelings.

The aromantic spectrum is diverse. Some examples include:

• Grayromantic: Individuals who experience romantic attraction rarely, weakly, or under specific circumstances.
• Demiromantic: Individuals who only experience romantic attraction after forming a deep emotional connection with someone.
• Cupioromantic: Individuals who, despite not experiencing romantic attraction themselves, desire a romantic relationship.

How aromanticism manifests in relationships and friendships varies greatly. Some aromantic people may find it easier to form close friendships than romantic relationships, while others may actively seek out platonic or queerplatonic partners. The key is that their relationships are not driven by romantic attraction. They may prioritize emotional intimacy, shared activities, intellectual stimulation, or other non-romantic aspects of connection.

Defining Asexuality

Just as we clarified aromanticism, it’s vital to understand asexuality before diving into what it means to be aroace.

Sexual attraction is generally defined as the desire to engage in sexual activity with another person. It can manifest as feeling physical arousal, fantasizing about sexual interactions, or feeling a strong desire for physical intimacy. Societal norms often equate sexual attraction with love and desire, making it seem like a universal experience.

Asexuality, however, is the lack of or minimal sexual attraction to others. Similar to aromanticism, it’s not a choice, a medical condition, or a lack of experience. It’s an intrinsic part of who a person is. As with aromanticism, there are common misconceptions about asexuality:

• It’s not the same as low libido: Libido refers to sex drive or sexual desire. Asexual people may have varying levels of libido, but their lack of sexual attraction remains constant. They may engage in sexual activity for various reasons, such as partner satisfaction or curiosity, without experiencing sexual attraction.
• It’s not a choice or a medical condition: Asexuality is not a conscious decision to abstain from sex, nor is it a hormone imbalance or other medical issue. It’s a natural variation in human sexuality.
• Asexual people can still desire and enjoy relationships: Asexual individuals can and do form meaningful relationships. These relationships may be romantic, platonic, or some other form of intimacy that doesn’t require sexual attraction.

The asexual spectrum is also broad. Examples include:

• Graysexual: Individuals who experience sexual attraction rarely, weakly, or under specific circumstances.
• Demisexual: Individuals who only experience sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional connection with someone.

How asexuality manifests in relationships and intimate interactions varies. Some asexual people may be repulsed by the idea of sex, while others may be indifferent or even enjoy it for reasons other than sexual attraction. Open communication and understanding are key to navigating relationships when one or both partners are asexual.

Aroace Identity: The Intersection

Now that we’ve defined aromanticism and asexuality separately, we can fully understand what it means to be aroace. Aroace individuals experience both a lack of or minimal romantic *and* sexual attraction. This intersection of identities creates a unique experience that is often misunderstood by those who don’t share it.

Aroace people often face challenges related to allonormativity and amatonormativity. Allonormativity is the assumption that everyone experiences romantic and sexual attraction and that these attractions are the norm. Amatonormativity is the assumption that romantic relationships are superior to all other forms of connection, leading to the prioritization of romantic partnerships over friendships and family bonds.

These societal norms can make aroace individuals feel alienated and invisible. They may be pressured to date, have sex, or conform to expectations about romantic love that simply don’t align with their experiences. It’s crucial for aroace people to find communities and support systems where their identities are validated and celebrated.

Platonic relationships and other non-romantic/sexual forms of connection are incredibly important for aroace individuals. Strong friendships, family bonds, and queerplatonic relationships can provide the emotional intimacy, support, and companionship that they seek. These relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and shared interests, without the pressure of romantic or sexual expectations.

Understanding and Supporting Aroace Individuals

Understanding and supporting aroace individuals involves several key steps:

• Respecting aroace identities and experiences: The first and most important step is to acknowledge that aroace is a valid and legitimate identity. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them that they “just haven’t found the right person yet.”
• Avoiding harmful stereotypes and assumptions: Refrain from making assumptions about their relationships, desires, or experiences. Don’t assume they are lonely, unhappy, or incapable of forming meaningful connections.
• Promoting inclusivity in discussions about relationships and attraction: Make an effort to include aroace perspectives in conversations about relationships, sexuality, and attraction. Challenge allonormative and amatonormative assumptions whenever possible.
• Resources for aroace individuals and allies: GLAAD, The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), and many online communities offer information, support, and resources for aroace individuals and their allies.
• The importance of using correct terminology and pronouns: As with any identity, using the correct terminology and pronouns is essential. Ask aroace individuals how they identify and what language they prefer to use when discussing their experiences.

Conclusion

So, what is aroace? It’s an identity that encompasses both aromanticism and asexuality, representing a rich and diverse experience of attraction, or lack thereof. Being aroace is not a deficiency or a problem to be solved. It’s a valid and beautiful way of experiencing the world.

By understanding and accepting aroace individuals, we can create a more inclusive and compassionate society for everyone. Let us celebrate the diversity of human experience and recognize that there are many ways to love, connect, and build meaningful relationships, regardless of romantic or sexual attraction. It’s time to challenge the norms and embrace the spectrum of attraction that makes us all unique.